I met an amazing young lady. She’s 26 going on 36 and she could very well be me. She expressed to me her great desire to be married and to have some kids with a God-fearing man. Although at 26, I felt that she still had some time, her concern was valid. The man whom she would marry would first have to find her for find himself in her life. They’d need to take some time to get to know each other.
She says to me, “Girl, I throw down. I make a mean roti, I make jollof rice like I’m from Ghana, and if he’s a Lucian, I got breadfruit and saltfish on lock. Whatever part of the globe he’s from, homegirl has him covered. I keep a house a clean and doing laundry is my hobby. Why am I still single?”
At first glance, I could not refute any of her claims. She was telling the truth. She had it going on. She was saved and she was sanctified. She knew the Word. She heard it and it strove daily to do it. She loved God with a passion and served diligently in ministry.
She had that Proverbs 31 vibe going on. She was cultured. She loved great art. She knew good music. She was enterprising. She was super intelligent and an excellent conversationalist. She had prepared herself. Everything about her said, “I’m ready for this wifey ish”.
But then I looked closer and then I saw it. I recognized that the seat that should be reserved for the man that she believed that God wasn’t sending her way was already filled. She wasn’t sharing her body with many men. She had been celibate for the past 7 years. Yet, the sit was filled. Despite the appearance of availability a closer look at the words which formed the content of the book that was her read UNAVAILABLE.
I believe that the brother had passed a few times. He walked up and down the aisle always looking for an opportunity to take rest in the seat that rightfully belongs to him but every time he passed by, the sit was filled.
She was constantly counseling the ex-boyfriend who had been trying to get his life together for the past 10 years. He knew that he would always be able to count on her. He could always ask to spend the night on her couch when things weren’t going right. The seat was filled by the male friend she constantly felt the need to bulk up and affirm. It was filled. He didn’t feel like he could rest easy there.
I know many sisters who would love to be married. They spend time preparing themselves outwardly and it appears that everything is in order except a closer look reveals that the seat is filled. I often ask my girls, how can God send you one of his sons when the seat that should be reserved specifically for him is already filled? How can God entrust you to care for and love this man when so much of the attention that is his is going towards other men? This man cannot rest easy in the portals of the heart that should be reserved ONLY for him.
If you find yourself in a situation similar to the young lady above, then one of the first things that you’d need to do is to devote your time to clearing your emotional space. It’s probably time to get rid of all the possibilities to make room for God’s finality. God will not do to one of his sons the injustice of second runner up. He will not grace upon one of his sons the banner of second best. When he’s ready to answer your prayer, do not let his response say, “It’s Not Vacant.”